


The Eyes Are The Window To The Emotions

by Welcome2MyWorld



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dead Tribble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, I tried with Sulu and Chekov but I couldn't write them in well, I'm Sorry, INTO DARKNESS SPOILERS!!, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Khan's blood doesn't quite work, Scotty and Bones are good friends, Spock (Star Trek) Has Feelings, The Author Regrets Everything, Tribble reference, Uhura is a caring woman, and drinking friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-01-27 15:50:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21394720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welcome2MyWorld/pseuds/Welcome2MyWorld
Summary: Canon Divergence - Star Trek: Into Darkness SpoilersKirk died in his sleep. It was painful to see him awake, but he faded as theEnterprisewas on its way home. They thought Khan's blood would be enough, but McCoy had been grim-faced the entire time. It was tough for the crew to know that their Captain wouldn't be returning home with them, but it was worse for his close friends.Enter: the main crew (minus Chekov and Sulu, but they're mentioned ^^;;)
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Spock, Spock/Nyota Uhura
Kudos: 12





	The Eyes Are The Window To The Emotions

James Tiberius Kirk was gone.

Just like that. The radiation had been too much and even Khan’s blood couldn’t save him.

It had all been a blur for Spock, an event that he couldn’t quite focus on for fear of recreating the scene. Khan had, effectively, killed his Captain and his friend. When they brought the man back to the ship, McCoy had looked like a stormcloud, taking the blood and muttering to himself. Even Spock didn’t think to listen, too caught up in the emotions that were whirling and breaking through his logic.

But then, the Tribble had died. Not from age or choking or something trivial. It had died because Khan’s blood had been used up. That might sound ridiculous, but it was really just a superhuman activated gene that sped up the healing process. For something, or _someone_, dead, it took up a lot of energy and depleted nearly all of it. On a Tribble, it would keep it alive for a few weeks, but a human was much more complex. Begrudgingly, the doctor had informed the crew that Kirk would be alive for about a week, but ultimately he would die due to the radiation coursing through his veins. Superhuman blood or not.

In the aftermath of Kirk’s death, Uhura was walking to the mess hall to join the main crew (or what she thought of as the main crew) in remembering the brave man that had saved them all. At first, she hadn’t liked his brash nature or the way he seemed to breeze through things, but overtime she had noticed that the events that occurred on the ship did take their toll on the Captain and he was calculated in his attacks.

The door slid open to dimness, revealing a depressing sight indeed. Chekov, Scotty and McCoy were sat around quite a few empty glasses, but the young Russian appeared to be pulling himself away, knowing he was needed on the Bridge. He swayed slightly, supported by Sulu, as he walked away. Sulu nodded at Uhura, who returned the gesture and waited until the whispered conversation between the two dissipated down the corridor. The Chief Engineer and Chief Medical Officer simply sat in silence, grief and guilt clearly weighing on the two heavily. Entering the room and letting the door hiss shut, she carefully walked over to the elephant in the room. Or, more precisely, the Vulcan in the room.

Uhura had studied Spock multiple times in their relationship, but seeing this much emotion was unheard of. Sure, they had all seen when he had beaten Kirk on the Bridge after the young Captain-to-be had talked about his mother, but here he was as stoic as ever. To a junior member of the crew, it would look as though the Chief Science Officer and second in command – first now, she realised with shock – was merely ‘being Vulcan-y’ over Kirk’s death. However, the closer friends of Spock could tell that he was in pain, and decided to let him deal with it in his own time.

She glanced at the other men, catching Scotty’s eye. He seemed confused for a moment, then it clicked and he nudged the doctor. McCoy grunted, looking up, and on the eye signals of his friend he comprehended the situation, leaving with Scotty to Sick Bay.

The room was left quiet, deathly so as she looked sadly at Spock. His elbows rested on the table, fingers laced together with his chin resting upon it. Hollow eyes stared straight ahead, emotions swirling through them in a thick soup of pain and anguish. Uhura placed a warm and gentle hand on his shoulder, surprised when his head lifted and one hand came up to cover her own. Finding a chair, she sat with Spock in silence, watching and waiting for a reaction from the Vulcan. She could feel the tremors subtly running underneath his skin, maybe the only physical indication thus far of his feelings. Her thumb rubbed at the light blue fabric of his shirt, his hand pulling hers down to lace their fingers together. Still, he didn’t look at her and while Uhura was ok with that, she wanted him to face her properly. So, taking the initiative, she gently turned his head towards her, looking into his eyes with a worried gaze. They were so…dark, full of deep sadness and anger and maybe a few more things. Quite a few more. She sighed softly, watching as his view dropped to her shoulder.

“Spock…” Uhura trailed off, words lost in the flutter of his nostrils as he tried to maintain some form of composure. He slowly managed to look up at her and she flashed a weak smile at him.

“He…is gone…” Spock's voice was like a knife to Uhura's heart, rough and broken with the unwillingness to let his emotions free. However, once again, he was failing. She nodded softly, watching as he fell apart in her hold, a few silent tears falling from his eyes. Even in front of the woman he loved, Spock was still holding back the full extent of his emotions, although the xenolinguist could tell that he wouldn’t hold up for long.

She carefully brought him into a hug, letting him slowly relax into and return it. Most of the ship had been given a little time off by the doctor, letting the Captain’s death work through in its own time, so the fact that no one was in the mess hall was a blessing in disguise. She knew that emotions from Spock were rare, and the majority of the crew seeing it was even rarer.

“You’ll get through it Spock, believe me.” She said softly, eventually pulling back to look at him after a long silence. Although he still did not look up, despite her assurance that it didn’t matter to her if he let her see, Uhura knew that he did believe what she had said.

She stayed with him for as long as he needed, even taking him to his quarters at one point to let Spock fully process in peace, without the danger of a crew member walking in. Even in his grief, he wanted to keep up appearances.

Once she was sure he wasn’t going to break down or go into too deep of a meditation, Uhura left the Vulcan to his own devices, going through the ship corridors on autopilot. That was how she suddenly found herself in front of the Sick Bay doors, hand hovering over the chime. She realised how short her breaths were, but there was no explanation for it, so all she could do was steady herself and walk into the room.

It seemed that she had been with Spock for longer than she realised. Either that, or the two inside had been drinking fairly steadily for however long had passed. Scotty and McCoy were in a deep conversation, most likely so drunk that they weren’t actually drunk anymore. She had heard of that before, and had even seen it from her roommate when she was in the academy.

The two didn’t notice her at first, too far into a tirade of quiet rage, guilt and self-hate. Moving towards them, she got their attention by joining them at the desk, staring levelly at the doctor when he raised an eyebrow in silent question.

“Drink, lass?” She looked at the Scotsman, thinking for a moment before nodding slightly. She’d need something to get through the night in one piece. The irony was, she was drinking something known for unravelling restraint in a person, but Nyota Uhura was a woman who wasn’t easily swayed by alcohol.

Silence reigned over them, each person with their own weight to bear. Scotty had let himself get knocked out, leaving Kirk alone in the chamber despite his warnings. Bones had tried and failed to save not only one of his patients, but his close friend.

Uhura had the problem of wondering what exactly she should call her relationship with the Captain, and she had to balance Spock. She had been loyal to him, of course she had, he was the leader after all. But did she consider him a friend? Ally, yes, but friend? He was Spock's friend. Should he have been her friend too? Her drink didn't seem to have any answers, just a buzz to soften the thoughts and turn them into a blissful white noise in her head.

Nothing was said between them for a long time, until McCoy noticed the time and suggested they all got some rest. Scotty slowly obliged, reluctantly leaving his glass on the table and murmuring a soft “Night...” to them. Still, Uhura didn't move, at least not until she received a gentle nudge. Waking from her daze, she glanced quizzically at the doctor, who seemed to have aged considerably since her arrival. He pointed to the ship chronometer.

** _0200 hours_ **

Her eyes widened slightly as her eyebrows furrowed, confused at the rapid passage of time. The woman reasoned that she had been so lost in her thoughts that the hours had slipped by unnoticed, her skill in keeping time having gone into some far place in her mind. She smiled faintly at the doctor, silently thanking him.

“Uhura?”

“Yes?”

“How is he?”

How is he? She didn't know. At least not fully.

“I...don't think he's taking it well.”

“Vulcans...” he muttered, but not unkindly. Usually, McCoy would have been shaking his head and grumbling in disbelief or annoyance, but now it was sorrowful. He had seen the relationship that Kirk and Spock shared, realising just how much the two cared for each other. He had watched it grow from distrust and rank difference, to a deep friendship and agreement that should one be out of commission, the other would hold on until they returned. Though now, Spock wouldn't have the time to wait. He'd be doing it his whole life.

Uhura touched his shoulder lightly. “I'll keep an eye on him,” McCoy nodded grimly, glancing to the door as a signal that she should go. With a nod of her own, she made her way to the doors, looking back to say, “night Bones,” and share a small, sad smile with the man.

On her way to her quarters, she stopped by Spock again, just to check in. She had expected him to be meditating, but instead saw him sat on the bed with a serious expression. Treading carefully around scattered items, highly unusual for them to be on the floor, she perched next to him.

“How are you?” She asked tentatively, taking a hold of one hand with a kind touch. His head lowered, turning to her somewhat.

“I do not know,” he whispered, the hand in hers seeming almost fragile to touch, “but I have been this way before.”

There was no hesitation when she hugged him this time, Spock holding her close to him in an attempt at gaining some comfort from the touch. They stayed that way for a short while, hearing each other breathe in the silence.

Uhura kissed him gently, resting her forehead against his. “Would you like me to stay with you?”

_One second, two seconds, thr-_

“I would.”

His reply was as soft as her question, both encased in a delicate bubble of feeling as she sat there with him, finally seeing his barriers come down. It was safe here, in his private quarters with the person he trusted the most aside from the Captain to watch, comprehend and understand what he was going through. For a long, long time, possibly hours, Spock let his feelings free. He wept, he fumed, he stumbled and got lost in it all, but with Uhura talking him through it and guiding the way, he didn't feel so scared anymore.

Scared. That's what it was. Fear from losing his home, from losing his mother and now from losing his friend. He had watched it all and he hadn't come to the conclusion that it had broken him inside, pushing it behind Vulcan logic and sensibility until he didn't have to feel the pain anymore.

Finally, when all that could be said had been, they laid together quietly. Their hands were linked together between them as things calmed, a faint telepathic connection keeping them together. Just as Uhura was starting to drift off into the black abyss of slumber, she heard three words that brought a sleepy smile to her face.

“_Thank you, Nyota.”_

“_You're welcome, Spock.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm heartbroken. I'm sorry, Kirk's death broke me and I had to do this because....well, I was in an angst mood. I need to hug Spock now, bless him.


End file.
